


Gets My Goat

by MiriamKenneath



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Happy Ending, Humor, Monologue, Trick or Treat: Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 14:08:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16097195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiriamKenneath/pseuds/MiriamKenneath
Summary: I’m the most famous Billy Goat on Earth.If I’m honest, though, I’d rather be loved than feared. Being feared really gets my goat.





	Gets My Goat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [APgeeksout](https://archiveofourown.org/users/APgeeksout/gifts).



I’m just another ordinary goat on the Morton family farm. Really! I am! I promise I am. Even my _name_ is as ordinary as it gets.

Hmm? What is my name, you ask? Can’t you guess? It’s Billy – short for “Billy Goat” – if you can believe it. Apparently calling me “Billy” was Lydia’s idea. Lydia is Old Morton’s daughter. She was four years old at the time.

As for me, I was so young that I don’t remember when it started. I have only my Mum’s word…but she’s my Mum! Why would she lie about how the county vet took one hard look at me, a newborn goat kid, and ran out of the barn screaming bloody murder?

How when the vet did agree to return to see me, he would only do so accompanied by the parish priest? I’m a devout goat too, I’ll have you know.

It got worse as I got older. Old Morton’s farmhands couldn’t abide my presence. “Satan Incarnate,” is what they called me. I tried telling them my name was Billy, not Satan, but hearing my voice only made it worse.

The Mortons decided having me near the barn was too much trouble. They started keeping me by the house. Fewer people coming and going there, and I quickly learned to hide whenever the mailman or the milkman dropped by. They both thought I was terrifying.

I was curled up asleep on the porch, minding my own business, the night it happened. Lydia’s voice woke me up. She was shouting at a man, and a man was shouting back at her. She was trying to get into the house, but the man kept pulling on her arm.

Their movement triggered the porch light to switch on…and the man saw me. He screamed, of course.

Now, please understand: Usually, when someone screams at me, I flee. But for some reason – I don’t know what it was – that night I decided I had had enough of humans and their petty prejudices. I put my head down and charged him.

I wasn’t going to hurt him or anything. I was just _frustrated_.

The man ran screaming into the night, and I couldn’t understand why Lydia was crying and hugging me afterwards.

The incident made the Local News at 5. Some indie film producer saw the segment and came to the Morton farm to make a documentary. A lot of strange people visited in order to do strange, incomprehensible things, and I scared all of them.

Anyway, it’s been a while since then. Lydia tells me I’m scaring moviegoers and bad men around the world now. They’ve put me on t-shirts too, did you know that?

I’m the most famous Billy Goat on Earth.

If I’m honest, though, I’d rather be loved than feared. Being feared really gets my goat.

 

* * *

_**-fin-** _


End file.
